I watched the Live Earth concert Saturday night. It was great to see all those big names taking a stand against global warming. Madonna sang a song called “I’m Gonna Hang Right Up On You, Mr. CO2 Emitter!” and it was really good. I just didn’t understand why her dancers all wanted to have cunnilingus with her right then. It was probably symbolic. Then all these other big stars I never heard of started cranking up their Marshall amplifier stacks and I could see how mad they were about people using so much electricity and all the stage lights started flashing on and off! It was exciting and probably saved even more energy.
The Live Earth announcers had a lot of great tips too. Like be sure to unplug your battery charger when you’re not using it. And change all the light bulbs in your house to fluorescent energy-saving ones cause the mercury in them really doesn’t amount to much and the EPA is going to figure out how to recycle them very soon.
So I’ve already started. I want to feel good about myself, don’t you? Like yesterday at the drug store I told the clerk, “Hey, don’t put that aspirin in a plastic bag! I’ll just stick it in my pocket here! I’m going green!” Man, he was impressed. And besides, I’ve been feeling a little funny about driving up and down the freeway all day in my giant SUV with the air-conditioner blasting away. But can I help it if I’m a really big pig? And to know I was fighting global warming when I stuck that aspirin in my pocket made me feel a lot better. Next I’m going to try printing on both sides of my computer paper!
Oh, here’s another thing that will help you feel better if you fly a lot. A lot of people say you should cut back because jets emit about a zillion times more CO2 every time they take off than a giant SUV does in a year. So take the bus. But you know what I figured out? Say a jet takes off with only ten people in it. You divide the total emission by ten and you find that each passenger just raised the temperature of Utah by three degrees. Just one passenger and there’s ten of them! But say that DC-10 is full! 380 passengers! Now you divide the CO2 emission by 380 and look – these guys probably actually reduced CO2 emission by flying. Or pretty close anyway. So I figure we need to fill up those planes! Stop global warming! Fly more often!
Stay tuned for more great energy-saving tips from the Pondering Pig.