The Pondering Pig Explains the Bible

I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time understanding the Bible. If I were a comic strip character there would be big question mark balloons coming out of my head as soon as I open the Good Book. I puzzle over passages, wondering what they could possibly mean, but I find that, in spite of my puzzlement, reading the Bible helps keep my head on straight.

I don’t think I’ll ever get some words in the Bible – like glory and glorified. To me, Glory is a really good Civil War movie starring Broderick Crawford. No, Matthew Broderick. It’s a DVD I can rent, but it’s also about some guys who experience something called glory by dying for a cause even though they are little and unknown and forgotten. Maybe by watching that movie I could begin to understand what the word means.

Here’s another usage: “The Beatles got the glory, but their manager got the money.” (not true) Glory is when people think you are really cool because of something you did, or something you do.

Then there’s “what a glorious sunset!” And leave us not forget Little Lulu’s enemy, the beautiful and snobbish blonde little girl Gloria. I won’t even mention certain British Invasion era songs about how to spell the name of certain Irish girls.

But when Jesus talks about being glorified, I just have to go, “Excuse me? Could you explain that please?” Because he’s talking about something else and he doesn’t explain what and he expects me to just understand it and I don’t.

So I get frustrated. Those big question marks start floating over my head. So I go back to the Sermon on the Mount, which I can sort of understand and is sort of like a compendium of how to live well. And I just ponder those things.

Nevertheless, I have received a petition from my readers complaining about the frivolity of my recent posts. So I have decided to tackle a properly serious subject. Enough of these corn dogs and root beers! Tomorrow – or the next day – I will attempt to explain the Bible.

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